Metrosexual

Meggings, testosterousrs, cock slacks...whatever you call them it looks like this is the latest fashion craze to squeeze yourselves in to. Noel Fielding and Russell Brand have decided that skinny jeans just aren't skinny enough and are now wearing wet look leggings, this is surely one step too far. There's being in touch with fashion trends and looking good in everything you wear but whatever you dress these up as, they are wearing women's clothes!!

Although it clearly works for Russell Brand in this photo so how much are they then??

So Google are now bringing us all closer together with the launch of Google latitude. This new gizmo allows you to see where in the world your friends, family and enemies are.



Now in the first instance I'm thinking this is fantastic, log on to see footy Phil, who you havent seen since he got scored against you in 5 a side 2 weeks ago, and find out he's in the local. You're feeling quite thirsty so IM him from you iphone and you pop down and see him.



Yes sounds perfect until you get there and find out he's still describing every last detail of how he nut-megged 3 players and stuck it in the top locker, where not even Peter Cech would have saved it, to everyone who will listen! But in theory this is how it works, sounds great doesn't it?



But what about the flip side? Ok now first let me say that if you are doing absolutely nothing wrong then you can stop reading now....



But who is doing nothing wrong these days?! Well if you naughty boys and girls are doing something wrong then there are 2 people you probably don't want to find out... 1 your partner and 2 your boss - now whatever you're doing from something as innocent as just nipping into town to buy that latest pair of jeans while you're meant to be at work, to out and out cheating with the new office junior in one of those dirty hotels that are usually attached to the back of a pub called 'The Plough', you dont really want them finding out...so you think thats easy there must be privacy laws on this thing? Well yes there are you have to 'ask' the other users to find out if you want to let people know where you are.



But imagine the situation when you receive the ping to ask you where in the world you are...what do you do? You can't accept and blow everything, yes Google havent quite invented the ability to stream a video of exactly what you are doing at that exact time but when it shows up you're at the back of the car park of the 'Coach and Horses' on the A47, or you're in the Arndale Centre on the 2nd level outside H&M you're going to have some explaining to do! But you can't reject either well sure you can a few times but surely doubt will creep in somewhere if you have the function to do this but keep avoiding it.


My answer...go retro, the only thing this badboy can do is play 'snake' which means you can keep letting the office junior play with yours!

I heard an old american joke the other day....

A Harvard man and a Yale man are at the urinal. They finish and zip up. The Harvard man proceeds to the sink to wash his hands, while the Yale man immediately makes for the exit. The Harvard man says, "At Harvard they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate." The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."
This got me thinking about how many guys actually wash their hands after visiting the little boys room? Yes we've all been there finish doing your business and turn round only to be faced with a toilet attendant singing along....'freshen up, freshen up for the poonarni' 'don't you know freshen up, you got to freshen up' and other tacky little jingles to get you to wash your hands take a spray of 10 year old 'CKone' and pay him a quid for the privilege.



Now I wash my hands every time I'm out even if it does cost me nearly a tenner every time! But a 2007 survey conducted in Chicago states that although 89% of guys claim to wash their hands, only 69% actually do. Now I can understand, with these mentalists wailing away its not surprising really. I have however found the solution....I defy any guy not to want to wash his hands in the sinks below!

Streets like a jungle, so call the police...sang Damon Albarn in 1994 in a song that points the finger to the increasingly blurred (excuse the pun) lines of sexuality of a new generation. With me starting to research Metrosexuality more for this blog it appeared to me that it’s really a move towards homosexuality in terms of the stereotypical perception. I’ve had a few comments about my blog (mostly complimentary) but a few comments have said how it seems very ‘gay’. Well for the record I’m heterosexual and very much attracted to women! But this got me thinking that in a way metrosexuality is a blurring of the lines of the perceived stereotypes that men fall into...and not just men.

With the recent rise in popularity of the tabloid favourite ‘Lipstick Lesbian’ such celebs as Lindsay Lohan, Katy Perry, Madonna and Britney and going back a bit Tatu are now blurring their lines of sexual identity. It seems that as we move into the future the old fashioned Hetero & Homo prefixes are slowly being left in the past.





There is a line I remember from Mark Renton in Irvine Welsh’s ‘Trainspotting’ he’s in a nightclub when he says...”Diane was right. The world is changing, music is changin, drugs are changing, even men and women are changing. One thousand years from now there'll be no guys and no girls, just wankers. Sounds great to me” Is this actually where we are heading? Or was Mark Renton just off his head on smack?!

I've never been the biggest fan of macho blockbusters like Die Hard, Rambo or Terminator. Anything starring either Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal, with their over choreographed martial arts moves gets me flicking the channel faster than the theme tune to the antiques roadshow. However on the flip side I would rather stick pins in my eyes than watch anything along the lines of Beaches, How to make an American quilt or any other such movie that girls seem to love watching while wearing pyjamas and eating chocolate under a duvet.

There are however some films out there that are perfect for any Metro to turn down the lights, put the salted popcorn in the microwave, insert the blu ray dvd on the LCD TV and crank up the surround sound to.....Here’s my top 10 Metro Movies:

10: Crash – Powerful film which looks at the complexities of human conflict in America. Brilliantly interwinding story!






9: What Women Want – Mel Gibsons brilliant transformation from machosexual to full on understanding Metro through a bang on the head, very funny!






8: Father of the Bride – Great movie that touches the very nervy subject of a dad losing his daughter to marriage....something I’m sure is frightening to even the most understanding of modern dads!





7: Love Actually – Great movie telling all about ‘lurve’ from everyones point of view






6: The Wedding Singer – Funny movie with Adam Sandler, 5 words that shouldn’t be said in that order usually...this film is the only exception.









5: Meet Joe Black: Yes it’s a melodrama but Pitt is amazing and it honestly is worth a watch...completely unique.










4: Lost in Translation: Sophia Coppola’s debut film is visually stunning and emotionally vibrant. Bill Murray is brilliant playing a lost soul and Scarlett Johansson is drop dead gorgeous!












3: 10 Things I Hate About You: At first glance a throwaway teen movie...a closer look see’s the early work of Heath Ledger, Julia Stiles and it’s based on the Shakespeare play ‘The Taming of the Shrew’ Very good movie!








2: Big Fish: An imaginative movie by the legend that is Tim Burton. A son is piecing together his dying fathers life through extraordinarily creative memories, very emotional, tissues at the ready!







1: Field of Dreams: Well the daddy of the metrosexual movie has to be this one. Based on the book ‘Shoeless Joe Jackson’ by W.P. Kinsella it tells the story of a relationship that a son (Costner) never had with his dad a retired aseball player...I won’t go into anymore detail apart from say if you can hold back tears in the final seen you must have had an emotion bypass!!



Happy watching!

Peace out and big love

Jaymeetee

I was thinking more about the whole Metrosexual definition and I found this good article by Vanessa Raymond at howto.com

In a really brief way she asks the following questions to test yourself on whether or not you are a metro…
Do gay men hit on you?
Do you carry a purse/bag?
How do you feel about your socks?
Do you wear tighty whities?
Do you use more than one product in your hair?
Have you ever used hair removal services other than shaving?
Do you receive spa services?
Do you borrow products from the women in your life?

The questions are certainly along the right lines and my ex's will tell you that I've borrowed £100s worth of products and it ceratinly hasn't been a happy day when they realised I'd used the last of their Charles Worthington conditioner!!

I guess these simple questions are a really good intro as to whether or not you are but that got me thinking….is there a real life test out there?

Well I found a funny one here

...quite good if slightly American. Yes I was 80% metro!!

Let me know how do you fair?

Peace out and big love

Jaymeetee